It's easy because you're fucking good at it.

Not everyone knows what you know. So quit making yourself smaller.

My dad was a big shot executive. Or at least, to me he was.

He was the VP of Management of Information Systems (MIS) which is what we called IT back before some fucking nerds decided it needed a new name. But suffice it to say he’s a smart guy and as a kid I was always learning shit from him about why he used a certain joint to put those two boards together or how to do something in fucking algebra or how complex electrical circuits are designed or why they needed those giant mats under the mainframes (yes, I’m that old, fuck off).

And I remember once that he sat me down and told me that in big important work meetings he would sometimes sit there and the answer or the solution would be really fucking obvious to him but he’d say nothing because surely someone else would have thought of it already?

And then inevitably the clown car of stupidity would continue to empty all over the conference table until he’d get fed up and finally proffer his thinking and then everyone sitting there was *poof* MIND BLOWN. And then he’d sit and wonder how that so-obvious thing could be missed by other people.

I don’t think this sort of nerf-your-smarts thing is genetic but maybe it is? I didn’t finish college. For a bunch of really fucking messy personal reasons that I’ll maybe cover in a different DF about why we should round up all the abusive men, tie them together in a sack full of bowling balls, and throw them in the fucking sea.

But I think the imposter syndrome started immediately once I waltzed into the workforce because I didn’t have a degree. Then I ended up in marketing almost by accident and without formal education in the subject so from the get-go it was what the fuck do I know about it, anyway?

The thing about knowledge that’s sneaky is that if you work at getting more of it, and you’re actively learning and exploring and teaching yourself stuff or staying open to other smart people teaching you things…you actually get fucking better. In some cases, you get really fucking good.

And the really fucking gooder you are at things, the easier they come. (Except Rachmaninoff, I don’t think that ever fucking comes easy, the sadist). But largely, expertise comes with an ease, a comfort, a muscle memory that turns hard things into easier things.

Which, as it turns out, makes it really fucking easy for us to totally devalue them.

For one, I grew up terrified to be arrogant. I’m actually not sure where that got internalized or how, but even today as an adult, raw arrogance is one of the things that fucking sets my face on fire.

So how do I reconcile owning my knowledge and expertise without being one of the obnoxious shitlords whose oblivious-mediocre-white-man swagger makes me gag?

We are also hard wired to think that something has to be difficult in order for it to be valuable. That idea is reinforced all around us in the saccharine fucking platitudes and motivational quotes we use to fire people up from school to professional life: Work hard, struggle mightily, hustle, grind, grit, earn it, put in the wrench time, A FOR EFFORT, KIDS.

But the better we get at things, the easier they feel. So we fall into the trap of mistaking mastery for mediocrity, and not recognizing that we are, in fact, pretty fucking okay at the thing we’re doing. That weight you’re lifting in the gym doesn’t get lighter. You get fucking stronger.

So I’m going to set you straight on a few things today.

FIRST: Imposter syndrome is a regal asshole. It loves to seize the moments when that expertise feels second nature and tell you the lie that you’re phoning it in. That you’re not working as hard so the output is less valuable. And that sooner or later, someone is going to figure out that you’re not putting in that much effort and call you on it. It’s bullshit and your brain is dicking with you. Because…

SECOND: The experience and knowledge you’ve gained simply means that you don't have to fight as hard to solve problems with it. The library in your head is full of well-stocked shelves, so all you really have to do is pull down the relevant information and get to fucking work. Arrogance is when you think you’re superior to others. Confidence is simply standing square in the footprints of your know-how while recognizing that we all have shit to learn still. Which brings me to…

THIRD: The very motions that have become easier or habitual because of your experience, knowledge and abilities make room to learn new things since THEY are going to be the new hard things for a while. So in essence, the shit that’s becoming easy is making room for your brain to level the fuck up in other areas because you’re going to need the mental bandwidth. THAT IS A GOOD THING. Growth is good. We like growth.

So. My missive to you today, dear fuckers, is to stop fucking pulling your punches on the things that you know, on the good fucking work that you do, on the knowledge that is all soaked up in that brain of yours and unleash its full fucking glory for the benefit of your work or your passions or your people.

While you’re sitting there wallowing in a foamy hot tub of self-doubt, life is getting away from you out there. Time is passing. Those things you want to do are fucking waiting. The new shit you want to master isn’t going to come to you, you have to go fucking find it.

It’s Friday. I want you to go rest. Breathe. Sleep. Drink the good bottle or play with the kiddo or get outside with the dog or play the fucking video game until 3am with Mountain Dew and Cool Ranch Doritos. Whatever tickles your pickle.

And then after you’re rested, we’re going to come back at Monday armed with a different fucking attitude about our knowledge and skills, okay? No more being a fucking weenie. Own that shit.

Because we’ve got some dragons to slay out there. And I refuse to be the only asshole out on the battlefield, mmkay? Shit’s lonely. Bring snacks.

With love and angst,

Amber