I feel this with every ounce of my self. I too lost my self in my career. 10 years of time lost. Time with my family, my kids and more. 10 years of ignoring my self, my needs, my happiness, my health. All for what? For absolutely nothing. For my boss to decide that there’s no where for me to go in the company and now it’s time for me to go.
But I’m here now. Without that stressful fuck of a job, relearning what it means to live my life. Learning what it’s like to not have someone breathing down my neck at every waking moment. Learning to eat right, exercise and spending the best time of my life with my kids. Listening to their stories because now I have the time and mental capacity to do so. I had no idea what I was missing until it ended. And now that the shock of my career ending is wearing off after a year od recovery, I see it. I see it all. And fuck, why did I put up with that shit for so fucking long. Never again.
Thanks for this post. So much. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in this feeling, in this desire for a happier, less stressful life.
"I had no idea what I was missing until it ended". And therein lies the rub; the post career-stress shock is real, and you start to physically hurt from the things you missed, ignored, and devalued in the name of Working Harder. It's an awful thing.
Feel this in my bones. There’s a Chinese saying, “man man zou” (slowly walk). It’s the reflection of everything your pushing against. Capitalism doesn’t always have to demoralize.
I heard a similar toxic phrase: if you want something done, give it to a busy person. And, like, I get it but stop fucking doing that to me — to anyone.
Love, angst, and an appropriately righteous anger.
I feel every bit of this. Ultimately, the only investments that truly pay dividends are the investments you make in people. And I am so damned lucky that I invested in that version of Amber, at a time when I thought she had it all going at her will and whim. The other truth is that you never know which of those investments are going to blossom. So the best strategy is to be present and willing and helpful to anyone you can.
I learned it later than I wished. But I’m so glad I did. ❤️🫵🏻
I think the hard thing is that sometimes you mistake "investments in people" as actual investments and THEY treat them...not so kindly. These kinds of scars manifest in really damaged trust, and that makes investing in people very hard sometimes. I still do it, but I'm choosy, and I have to keep hard boundaries. It's the only way to protect myself.
The other piece is knowing that investing in other people is NOT transactional. You don’t do it with any expectation for return. It’s no way to love and a shitty way to live. You invest in others because they are intrinsically worth something, and not because of any value they might bring you. (You knew all this, I’m not lecturing. I just appreciate the opportunity to articulate it)
That's just it -- there is no "later" to finally claim your rewards in.
Any other John D. MacDonald fans out there, who are living like Travis McGee, taking their retirement in pieces? I take a piece of my retirement when I opt out of work for an afternoon to go and knit on the porch and watch the garden grow. A piece when I drive eight hours to visit with my brother and his family for a four day weekend.
I hear this toxic bullshit about "Oh, when I retire, I'm going to go live in a castle in the sky, and I'll FINALLY have time for my hobbies," and I want to scream. There is only now, right now. Later, it will still be now, right now.
My deathbed regret will most likely be not being able to trust anyone enough to love them. My f*cked up brain will always assume everyone will eventually screw me over in some petty -- or not so petty -- way. I wish I could let this go, but I can’t. Not for one goddam second. Pretty sure this hustle culture contributed to this.
Thank you as always for such "in your face" truth and honesty. Sadly, I realized this after the fact, too. I hope this reaches so many people. Particularly those young and just starting out so they can learn and not make these mistakes.
Excellent fucking take on this hustle bro bullshit, Amber!
I feel this with every ounce of my self. I too lost my self in my career. 10 years of time lost. Time with my family, my kids and more. 10 years of ignoring my self, my needs, my happiness, my health. All for what? For absolutely nothing. For my boss to decide that there’s no where for me to go in the company and now it’s time for me to go.
But I’m here now. Without that stressful fuck of a job, relearning what it means to live my life. Learning what it’s like to not have someone breathing down my neck at every waking moment. Learning to eat right, exercise and spending the best time of my life with my kids. Listening to their stories because now I have the time and mental capacity to do so. I had no idea what I was missing until it ended. And now that the shock of my career ending is wearing off after a year od recovery, I see it. I see it all. And fuck, why did I put up with that shit for so fucking long. Never again.
Thanks for this post. So much. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in this feeling, in this desire for a happier, less stressful life.
"I had no idea what I was missing until it ended". And therein lies the rub; the post career-stress shock is real, and you start to physically hurt from the things you missed, ignored, and devalued in the name of Working Harder. It's an awful thing.
“walking ballsacks of narcissism and privilege” Is 100% epic and accurate. Great piece, again! Cheers!
Thank you for this
Feel this in my bones. There’s a Chinese saying, “man man zou” (slowly walk). It’s the reflection of everything your pushing against. Capitalism doesn’t always have to demoralize.
I heard a similar toxic phrase: if you want something done, give it to a busy person. And, like, I get it but stop fucking doing that to me — to anyone.
This idea that productivity is a personality trait really rubs me the wrong way.
And fuck that guy
I mean for real. Live while you're alive. The whole time.
Love, angst, and an appropriately righteous anger.
I feel every bit of this. Ultimately, the only investments that truly pay dividends are the investments you make in people. And I am so damned lucky that I invested in that version of Amber, at a time when I thought she had it all going at her will and whim. The other truth is that you never know which of those investments are going to blossom. So the best strategy is to be present and willing and helpful to anyone you can.
I learned it later than I wished. But I’m so glad I did. ❤️🫵🏻
I think the hard thing is that sometimes you mistake "investments in people" as actual investments and THEY treat them...not so kindly. These kinds of scars manifest in really damaged trust, and that makes investing in people very hard sometimes. I still do it, but I'm choosy, and I have to keep hard boundaries. It's the only way to protect myself.
The other piece is knowing that investing in other people is NOT transactional. You don’t do it with any expectation for return. It’s no way to love and a shitty way to live. You invest in others because they are intrinsically worth something, and not because of any value they might bring you. (You knew all this, I’m not lecturing. I just appreciate the opportunity to articulate it)
That's just it -- there is no "later" to finally claim your rewards in.
Any other John D. MacDonald fans out there, who are living like Travis McGee, taking their retirement in pieces? I take a piece of my retirement when I opt out of work for an afternoon to go and knit on the porch and watch the garden grow. A piece when I drive eight hours to visit with my brother and his family for a four day weekend.
I hear this toxic bullshit about "Oh, when I retire, I'm going to go live in a castle in the sky, and I'll FINALLY have time for my hobbies," and I want to scream. There is only now, right now. Later, it will still be now, right now.
We are promised exactly zero tomorrows. Zero.
My deathbed regret will most likely be not being able to trust anyone enough to love them. My f*cked up brain will always assume everyone will eventually screw me over in some petty -- or not so petty -- way. I wish I could let this go, but I can’t. Not for one goddam second. Pretty sure this hustle culture contributed to this.
That makes me sad to read. But I understand.
Thank you as always for such "in your face" truth and honesty. Sadly, I realized this after the fact, too. I hope this reaches so many people. Particularly those young and just starting out so they can learn and not make these mistakes.
I so appreciate you, Amber.
Thank you for saying what a lot of people think. It took me two cancers and several decades to figure this out.
excellent . are you me?
Omg I LOVE you! This is so good! Couldn’t agree more!
ALL the AMENS! I saw that tweet and had to close the App and walk away. Such utter bullshit.